About 5 years ago, I sat at the foot of my twin bed, in my shared first apartment at university.
The set up was so that the desk was agiants the wall, being used as an altar, the foot of the bed was against deal so that my head would ‘ve by the windows for people watching. On the desk I had 8 tealight candles surrounding a medium sized wooden serving tray, full of pebbles, sand and rose petals.
It was a very simple set up that was easy to take down and hide in the back of the desk drawer. You know those pesky, R.A visits, family visits, and random friends that drop by when you aren’t out yet.
I sat deep in meditation on a Wednesday afternoon, before prepping for a party that night.
Arty and I were in talks. This was the start of a few years work of learning about my dark side – the inner beast, my true self at its most primal- and what that meant for me.
During these days my meditation consisted of a max of 30 mins staring at the flame of a small pillar candle or container candle. This time I was using a vanilla scented one ( but between us there was a totally non magical purpose, because I really just wanted to make sure that everything smelled nice for the guy that I was seeing).
But it ended up being a good choice because vanilla puts me in a good place, so between that and Arty’s song I was in a deep meditation for close to 2 hours.
Arty had a lesson for me. I was no longer at home, bound by my family, their rules, their religion, their fear. It was time that I learned who I truly was.
There had been glimpses throughs my life in tines of intense need and fear.
Personally I was very accepting of what arty showed me. I didn’t gully understand it all and it took years to learn as much as I have. It wasn’t until my involvement in BDSM, that I truly understood my Dark side; but one of the things I learned during that meditation is that it’s easier to embrace the Dark if you recognize it as part of who you are. Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately, it takes time to do that.
Here are some of the things I did to help with recognizing and accepting my Dark side.
-Learning everyone has one
-Learning that it’s not inherently bad
– Learning that their must be balance.That balance isn’t always 50-50 either.