In the links below I have provided a link to a glossary that may help with definitions you may not know. If you can’t find your questions there is google or ask me.
At 12 I discovered paganism.
At 14 I discovered multi-person relationships; at 19 I discovered that it was a relationship style that had a name polyamory.
In my freshman year of high school, I found myself in a very complicated relationship structure. First it started with my dating a female friend of mine then we decided to just be friends, so then when another female friend of mine asked me out but had a boyfriend already I was a bit shocked, but not in the way most would be. My concern was how her boyfriend – who everyone knew she was crazy about- felt about this, because I knew nothing of multi person relationships that weren’t polygamy based and were just dating and I wan’t interested in him at all. But whatever we just went with it. Soon after I started dating my ex-girlfriend again, though she and I had a pretty much on again off again relationship, then I ended up with a boyfriend for a while before being completely single for my senior year. I wasn’t as I know now singlish I had be for part of my sophomore and junior year. I was alone though we were all friends.
So how did this work?
Well first off I wasn’t for sex, so that was removed out of the equation. OMG, yes not all teenagers are horn-dogs who can’t keep their pants on. We were friends first and talked about things. We dealt with it as best we could, but being in HS we knew that things were bound to end at some point. And for me the relationship really didn’t work out bc due to home problems and such I was pretty much everyone secondary partner; which definitely not what I wanted. I really didn’t have the time or energy to be with people at that age when I was finding myself, but I did know one thing for sure. I preferred multi-people relationships to monogamy.
Then came university and 2 years of monogamy.
1 tortured and 1 that I didn’t mind…
but as my research on polygamy progressed I came across a new term; But more on that later. By the time I started college I had been researching the topic of polygamy for about 4 years. Big love came out about the time I was 14, and it was amazing at least to me. While watching it I kept asking myself, “what’s wrong with polygamy?” The only bad parts were really what I saw being depicted of life on compounds and with men that didn’t respect their wives (BTW- this show depicted one part of polygamy – polygygny 1 man multiple wives). Growing up I had been told it was bad and against God, so I started doing my own research and developed my own opinions.So yea, I really think that polygamy is great. Its the people that screw it up when they are selfish. So all of that research introduced me to a relationship style that didn’t involve the marriage aspect -necessarily- Polyamory.
The more I learned, the more I realized that that’s the category I feel into. Well really it fall into a mix of poly and plyg, bc if it ever was decriminalized and I was ready to have a second spouse I marry another person.
Unfortunately soon after I got into university I started dating someone; I knew they were strictly monogamous bc my bff and I made jokes that he should marry us both ( she was and is strictly monogamous as well). I still had not come to terms with how I could be in a plural relationship, but needless to say the relationship ended. He was extremely busy with school and work and me having male friends I hung out with on a regular basis made him uncomfortable – and I wan’t going to stay in my room for most of university.
Then my current bf, my lovely fiance and I reconnected and he had pretty strict rules for me but I actually didn’t mind them. I still don’t. We dated for almost a year when he moved in with me and I started talking to him more animatedly about polyamory and polygamy especially bc I had just start the blog on that topic and it was really easy to talk to him and get my thoughts organized.
Then I decided to ask him how he felt about us being poly and that was a good and bad decision. Good bc it opened a dialogue, bad bc it took me forever to prove to him that it wasn’t bc he was lacking in any way.
Pagan and poly
So what is poly?
First and foremost it IS NOT CHEATING. It is a agreed relationship between two or more individuals ( see the link for more info).
So these are two of the major foundations of me. Both were developing traits of me at the same time and both are a part of who I am as a spiritual being but they have nothing to do with each other.
Paganism is a pretty freeing religious practice. I have no book or god telling me I am a bad person for being me, loving who I love, etc. though many might not agree with the way you live your life, they are a lot more tolerant or even accepting. So While I didn’t pick pagan to be poly, paganism has allowed me to blossom and find myself, Find my partners and find happiness.
Yes, I said partners. Plural. My fiance and I have been together now for almost 3 years ( Dating anniversary in May), bound for 2 years ( binding anniversary in April) and in a relationship with our GF for as of now 8 months ( triad anniversary in April, 2 days after my fiance and my binding anniversary.
We are what we define as a poly open triad. Not to be confused with a couple finding a female to complete them. NO, just NO! Now our poly group could expand you never know.
If you have questions, feel free to ask. If I come up with more to say I’ll update this or write a part 2.
Links that can help:
Pagans and Polyamory
Pagan Polyamory: Becoming a Tribe of Hearts
The Polyamory Society
The Polyamory Society Glossary
More than two